One day my friend was wondering why his boss had winked at him. It was at the office where he was doing his internship. I said that maybe his boss liked him and was trying to invite him for a date. My friend didn’t think so, because his boss is a guy.
Then I remembered that sometimes Dutch people liked winking at me too. My colleague on campus often did it when she said goodbye before going home, but I only perceived this as friendliness. However, then I found my thesis supervisor did the same. After a tough discussion about my research, he gave me a little wink. I was a little bit startled by this behavior, but I just assumed that my professor wanted to show that he agreed with me. To satisfy my curiosity I then asked a senior colleague about this behaviour. He told me a wink is just an expression of hospitality and friendliness. I then explained that it is not polite at all in Indonesia. A wink of an eye is mostly perceived as flirting, seduction and even perversion. My colleague was surprised about it. I told him never to do it in Indonesia, otherwise people would perceive him as a pervert. ‘And never wink at a woman,’ I told him. ‘If you do, you should marry her.’ ‘Seriously?!’ he asked. ‘Just kidding,’ I replied with a wink.